[ Minato's blank, and that's ... not new to him. Even when they were together he found his fellow Wild Card maddeningly hard to read at times. Though, in this moment, the blankness doesn't truly surprise him. Minato guards his emotions as carefully as Yu himself does... whatever he's thinking and feeling, he's keeping it under the surface. Yu can't really blame him for that.
Loss... and moving forward from loss. Yu hadn't had that, when he'd awoken to his power. He'd just had it given to him.
Now it's out of two teams. Out of two different teams across years and gulfs of difference, he's the only one who didn't have to struggle in some way for his power.
(it's so unfair.)
He's quiet while Minato responds, his expression inscrutable, though his eyes half-lid. Minato knows more than most what he's been through. Was one of only two people to see him mourn over Dipper... at least, when it happened. Really, they've been here together since the very beginning, aside from Minato's gap for having...
Well. Gone somewhere, anyway.
In the end, he simply shakes his head. After a pause, he finally does take a seat on the bench, though there's a careful and calculated amount of distance between them. ]
If I've been bearing it by myself, it's because I wanted it that way. I wasn't willing to give anyone the opportunity to help me. [ He glances at Minato askance before looking up at some far point. ] The weight of all my failures... I thought that was only my burden. But I was wrong... all I did was push my friends away and make things worse. Something I should have known would happen better than anyone.
[ A year of watching people push away the truth, only to suffer and nearly die for it... led to him doing it himself, and worse. ]
You're not the only one. [It's murmured; Minato might have done much of what Yu did but he still can't bring himself to say that he won't make the same mistake. He lowers his stare down to the empty space between them, lingering on until it strains his neck to observe the distance that marks how they feel about each other.]
...I still can't talk about what happened to me to anyone. I thought there wasn't a point since no one could help me and I wasn't sad about dying, but I still ended up hurting people because of it. [By now Minato's settled for keeping his head down with his bangs obscuring most of his face, even knowing how futile it is from wistful he sounds.]
It's kind of selfish to bear that burden yourself, but I don't think a lot of people have been lonely like us either. It's hard to not want to give everything to your friends if not doing that means being alone again. [While knowing this wasn't true, Minato's more commenting on how they likely felt at some point. Valued, but not without some pressure to do well seeing the hopes people placed on them...something that could be quite exhilarating and terrifying at once for those who'd been leading a solitary life before.]
[ what happened to me ... Yu turns his gaze to Minato again, his expression as blank and inscrutable as ever. I know you can't talk about it, some vindictive piece of him whispers, and he recognizes it for what it is: his pain, with sharp teeth.
He doesn't ignore it like he might have. He just incorporates it into the roil of other things he's feeling and sighs silently. ]
We've both had burdens we felt we had to carry alone.
[ If he's selfish ... so is Minato, in some way. How much are either of them culpable for these tendencies, driven into them by long lives of loneliness?
It's hard to not want to give everything to your friends if not doing that means being alone again.
It's longer before he answers that. It burns him, in a soul-deep way, the truth of it. What he'd give to keep them. How much earning them changed everything about his life. His gaze moves away, but only because he is deeply lost in thought for the moment.
Maybe that's part of why Minato turning away from him had hurt so much. He'd lost something he felt like he'd barely had time to discover, and in such a short time, Minato had become so important to him...
Yu swallows around the weight in his chest. ]
... but we're not alone. [ Yu looks at Minato, and doesn't look away again. ] It's up to us to remember that.
Yeah. [It's almost inaudible even with relative silence around them and there's something wistful in the way Minato looks up at the sky, staring at a sky that holds nothing for him to see but the reminder of his final days.]
I spoke to Shiho-san recently and she said the same thing too, but it's not as if I feel alone. ...There just doesn't seem to be a point talking about something that's going to happen no matter what I do, and to make people sad about it. [He still doesn't get it seemingly; why bother telling people he's dead when they're all dead in a sense? It's nothing they can make better and nothing they'd understand, and Minato's never been the kind of person to tell that to anyone.]
I just want them to be happy. [And implicit in those words is that he doesn't wish to be a burden to anyone.]
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Loss... and moving forward from loss. Yu hadn't had that, when he'd awoken to his power. He'd just had it given to him.
Now it's out of two teams. Out of two different teams across years and gulfs of difference, he's the only one who didn't have to struggle in some way for his power.
(it's so unfair.)
He's quiet while Minato responds, his expression inscrutable, though his eyes half-lid. Minato knows more than most what he's been through. Was one of only two people to see him mourn over Dipper... at least, when it happened. Really, they've been here together since the very beginning, aside from Minato's gap for having...
Well. Gone somewhere, anyway.
In the end, he simply shakes his head. After a pause, he finally does take a seat on the bench, though there's a careful and calculated amount of distance between them. ]
If I've been bearing it by myself, it's because I wanted it that way. I wasn't willing to give anyone the opportunity to help me. [ He glances at Minato askance before looking up at some far point. ] The weight of all my failures... I thought that was only my burden. But I was wrong... all I did was push my friends away and make things worse. Something I should have known would happen better than anyone.
[ A year of watching people push away the truth, only to suffer and nearly die for it... led to him doing it himself, and worse. ]
I won't let this happen again. [ Heavily. ]
no subject
...I still can't talk about what happened to me to anyone. I thought there wasn't a point since no one could help me and I wasn't sad about dying, but I still ended up hurting people because of it. [By now Minato's settled for keeping his head down with his bangs obscuring most of his face, even knowing how futile it is from wistful he sounds.]
It's kind of selfish to bear that burden yourself, but I don't think a lot of people have been lonely like us either. It's hard to not want to give everything to your friends if not doing that means being alone again. [While knowing this wasn't true, Minato's more commenting on how they likely felt at some point. Valued, but not without some pressure to do well seeing the hopes people placed on them...something that could be quite exhilarating and terrifying at once for those who'd been leading a solitary life before.]
no subject
He doesn't ignore it like he might have. He just incorporates it into the roil of other things he's feeling and sighs silently. ]
We've both had burdens we felt we had to carry alone.
[ If he's selfish ... so is Minato, in some way. How much are either of them culpable for these tendencies, driven into them by long lives of loneliness?
It's hard to not want to give everything to your friends if not doing that means being alone again.
It's longer before he answers that. It burns him, in a soul-deep way, the truth of it. What he'd give to keep them. How much earning them changed everything about his life. His gaze moves away, but only because he is deeply lost in thought for the moment.
Maybe that's part of why Minato turning away from him had hurt so much. He'd lost something he felt like he'd barely had time to discover, and in such a short time, Minato had become so important to him...
Yu swallows around the weight in his chest. ]
... but we're not alone. [ Yu looks at Minato, and doesn't look away again. ] It's up to us to remember that.
no subject
I spoke to Shiho-san recently and she said the same thing too, but it's not as if I feel alone. ...There just doesn't seem to be a point talking about something that's going to happen no matter what I do, and to make people sad about it. [He still doesn't get it seemingly; why bother telling people he's dead when they're all dead in a sense? It's nothing they can make better and nothing they'd understand, and Minato's never been the kind of person to tell that to anyone.]
I just want them to be happy. [And implicit in those words is that he doesn't wish to be a burden to anyone.]