Because I have so little to give. [So little that's good, and so many things that hurt, just like this conversation. Minato's sure that Yu's been told more than once how he's a much better person than they are and he thinks so too, as much as that line must be getting tiring.
The tears have stopped by now, but he's sure he'll find his hand wet were he to rub his eyes.]
I didn't use to think about my death or how that would have changed things between us. I wanted you to be happy too and I was happy being with you...but I also didn't want to be left behind or to leave you behind. [His head dips and he bites on his lip. Why is he even talking about his last moments to someone who's already hurting too much because of him?]
I made so many promises to my friends. To spar one more time, to see them again when they return, to go on a vacation together...you're not the first person I fell in love with, either. She promised to always be by my side even knowing that I was going to die soon, and you remind me of her, in how you care so much for me. [He laughs then, as mirthless and as bitter as Yu's own words.]
Isn't it funny how I was lying to myself all along too, Yu-san? I'd thought you would have wanted to continue the relationship after this was over, but I was really the only one who had even thought about it. [His eyes feel wet again, and he hates himself for it.] With you I could pretend to be someone I wasn't and yet I couldn't bring myself to commit knowing that it'd only hurt you in the end, not that it matters now.
It was selfish for me to do this to you and I can only apologize for all the trouble I've caused. But...maybe we were never supposed to be together or fully understand each other, because- [I had to die so that all of you can live.]
You're still alive. [He steps forward again soundlessly, his feet feeling like lead as they hit the pavement.] You deserve someone better than me, Yu-san....someone who truly cares for you and who doesn't have anything to hide from you. [Someone who has a future with you.]
I don't think I can be that person any more, and I'm sorry. [Minato's truly done talking now and he walks away without another word, without looking back.]
[ It's too much. It's all too much to hear this. That Minato was happy, that Minato loved him?, that Minato was just as scared of being left behind...
Yu doesn't say anything. Yu doesn't say anything at all. He just stares at Minato's back, eyes flared wide under a tightly knit brow, offended and furious and wounded and bleeding internally from all the fissures in his heart.
What does this matter?
What does any of this matter?
Couldn't they have figured this out together? Fought for a future, or their own present, together? They could have done anything if Minato had just let Yu walk beside him. Trusted him, shared with him, actually listened to anything he really wanted. He feels steamrolled. Ignored.
And a little abandoned.
Yu lets Minato go. He waits till the other is far out of range of hearing to dig the heels of his palms into his eyes and swear softly under his breath in Japanese, the sound of it strangled with tears. Then he pivots on his heel and walks away in the opposite direction, shaking his head out like a dog, no longer able to ignore the burning in his chest. ]
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The tears have stopped by now, but he's sure he'll find his hand wet were he to rub his eyes.]
I didn't use to think about my death or how that would have changed things between us. I wanted you to be happy too and I was happy being with you...but I also didn't want to be left behind or to leave you behind. [His head dips and he bites on his lip. Why is he even talking about his last moments to someone who's already hurting too much because of him?]
I made so many promises to my friends. To spar one more time, to see them again when they return, to go on a vacation together...you're not the first person I fell in love with, either. She promised to always be by my side even knowing that I was going to die soon, and you remind me of her, in how you care so much for me. [He laughs then, as mirthless and as bitter as Yu's own words.]
Isn't it funny how I was lying to myself all along too, Yu-san? I'd thought you would have wanted to continue the relationship after this was over, but I was really the only one who had even thought about it. [His eyes feel wet again, and he hates himself for it.] With you I could pretend to be someone I wasn't and yet I couldn't bring myself to commit knowing that it'd only hurt you in the end, not that it matters now.
It was selfish for me to do this to you and I can only apologize for all the trouble I've caused. But...maybe we were never supposed to be together or fully understand each other, because- [I had to die so that all of you can live.]
You're still alive. [He steps forward again soundlessly, his feet feeling like lead as they hit the pavement.] You deserve someone better than me, Yu-san....someone who truly cares for you and who doesn't have anything to hide from you. [Someone who has a future with you.]
I don't think I can be that person any more, and I'm sorry. [Minato's truly done talking now and he walks away without another word, without looking back.]
no subject
Yu doesn't say anything. Yu doesn't say anything at all. He just stares at Minato's back, eyes flared wide under a tightly knit brow, offended and furious and wounded and bleeding internally from all the fissures in his heart.
What does this matter?
What does any of this matter?
Couldn't they have figured this out together? Fought for a future, or their own present, together? They could have done anything if Minato had just let Yu walk beside him. Trusted him, shared with him, actually listened to anything he really wanted. He feels steamrolled. Ignored.
And a little abandoned.
Yu lets Minato go. He waits till the other is far out of range of hearing to dig the heels of his palms into his eyes and swear softly under his breath in Japanese, the sound of it strangled with tears. Then he pivots on his heel and walks away in the opposite direction, shaking his head out like a dog, no longer able to ignore the burning in his chest. ]