[Minato's noticed since a while ago that Yu hasn't been talking about himself in particular, but he hasn't thought about saying anything about it until now. Worrying about others is considerate...it's just that Yu takes so much responsibility he might not think he's being too harsh on himself.]
I hope he is too, but...what about you, Yu-san? It must have been hard on you too. [He doesn't sound very sure about that first part, incidentally. Given what they both knew about Hyoubu it was almost certain that he's anything but okay, all while refusing to address the matter...which is exactly why Minato's asking Yu how he feels, knowing that neither of them were the most open about themselves.]
[ He might have been better before about remembering his own needs. Before Hiro texted him at 4 AM in near-hysterics, before Dipper looked at him with death-haunted eyes, before Lili and Athena cried in front of him, before Merlin refused to speak, before he started watching his friends die. But this place, so much more dangerous than his own Inaba at even the height of the murders, has changed him.
Not necessarily for the better.
Yu takes in the question without immediately commenting, simply watching Minato instead. He can guess why his friend is asking. Minato, since they met, has had a particular talent for seeing through him. He's probably figured out that he keeps dodging questions about how he is. He wasn't going to get away with that forever.
The hand that he's got curled around his thumb tightens, but only briefly. ]
It wasn't easy, [ he concedes. ] But I don't really remember dying, and I've seen Mars-san and Yuri-san since we all got back. [ Mars, not Rei, since he isn't sure if Minato knows that secret. Out of deference to Rei, really. ] I'm alright, though.
[ The horrible creeping chill that crawls up his skin whispering i died i died i died every so often when he's trying to sleep
[Minato's seen both Rei and Sailor Mars briefly, but never for long enough to conclude that they were the same person- even if he had no intention of making use of that knowledge Yu's deference is well placed.
Less admirable is Yu's continued deflection of his condition, and it shows clearly in Minato's narrowed eyes at him. He seems sombre as well hearing his friend say once more that he's alright, and it's because he knows that isn't true.]
...I didn't remember dying in the jungle either at first. [He's a little hesitant bringing up that memory again, still unwilling to divulge much of what he feels about himself, his issues.
But if there's anyone who needs to hear this it's the same person who was there for him when he was hurting, and he rubs his head before pressing on.]
Just because you don't remember how it felt doesn't mean that you feel nothing about dying, Yu-san.
[ The narrowed look gets little response other than Yu's mouth drawing into a thin, pale line.
Bringing up the jungle is--
... not unfair, and he knows it. He lets his gaze drop, down and to the left. When Minato had begun experiencing adverse effects from what happened in the jungle... he'd blamed himself for not pressing sooner, for not doing more to be there for his friend. But all that would require Minato opening up in the first place, and the conversation they'd had on the floor of his apartment had been stilted enough. He can hardly turn around and keep dodging the question himself well knowing what he'd want if their positions were switched. Since, of course, they once were.
Yu spreads his hands, staring down at his open palms, his expression thoughtful and somehow tired. ]
... I don't know how I'm supposed to feel.
[ This is the truth. He says it honestly, dropping his hands and looking up at Minato again. Now his brow is slightly knit, evidence of his uncertainty. ]
I'm here now. It only took three days for all of us to come back. I don't even remember any pain. Just ... a flash of light.
[ The explosion, he knows. Temporarily lost for words, he pauses, mouth working as he tries to think of what to say. ]
... all I know is that if we'd been anywhere but Cerealia, all five of us wouldn't get a second chance.
[ It's the closest he can bring himself to saying I feel like I failed.
He doesn't say that thinking too deeply about what happened to him, to all of them, makes him feel cold. That's not an emotion. It's a physical reaction. He died. He died. And it just doesn't feel real. How is he supposed to feel about a death that happened yet didn't? ]
No one can tell you how to feel about dying, Yu-san. [There is a gentle quietness to Minato's words that seems both characteristic yet unusual, as if he's fully focused on the subject yet lost in his own thoughts.
The sky is blue from his point of view under the tree, as blue as the last view of the sky he truly remembers. ...Funny how he's thinking about this when they're talking about a painless but horrifying death and not a peaceful death.
Does it really matter though? Death is death; you live and you die, and it's the journey between those doors that matters most in the end.]
It's funny, you know. That's the same thing I said to you back then, and yet I can't tell you what's supposed to be the 'right' thing to say...maybe there isn't one. [He turns to look at Yu then, hands still in his pockets.] Maybe it's not right to think that you might not have had a second chance when we're all already on our second and last chances just by being here. [There's a shadow of a smile that disappears in but a flicker; he doesn't know how long a time he has here, but he feels he'll never have another.]
That's right, [ he echoes, quiet. Of course Minato hadn't known how to feel either...
No one can tell you how to feel about dying, Yu-san.
Yu meets Minato's eyes and is just ... quiet, listening to him, taking him in. This is hardly the first time his fellow Wild Card has given him advice, and he thinks it probably won't be the last. It's not really a comfort, or if it is, it's a morbid one.
But it's nice to have someone who understands.
Finally, Yu only nods, briefly shutting his eyes. When he reopens them, he's smiling faintly, the look on his face strangely wistful. ]
Thanks. [Minato smiles too, strangely looking as if he knows what else Yu means by his words. It'd be impossible for him not to know, not when the other had called him yesterday.
I missed you all.] How about we just sit here and talk for a bit? I don't have much to do today.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I hope he is too, but...what about you, Yu-san? It must have been hard on you too. [He doesn't sound very sure about that first part, incidentally. Given what they both knew about Hyoubu it was almost certain that he's anything but okay, all while refusing to address the matter...which is exactly why Minato's asking Yu how he feels, knowing that neither of them were the most open about themselves.]
no subject
Not necessarily for the better.
Yu takes in the question without immediately commenting, simply watching Minato instead. He can guess why his friend is asking. Minato, since they met, has had a particular talent for seeing through him. He's probably figured out that he keeps dodging questions about how he is. He wasn't going to get away with that forever.
The hand that he's got curled around his thumb tightens, but only briefly. ]
It wasn't easy, [ he concedes. ] But I don't really remember dying, and I've seen Mars-san and Yuri-san since we all got back. [ Mars, not Rei, since he isn't sure if Minato knows that secret. Out of deference to Rei, really. ] I'm alright, though.
[ The horrible creeping chill that crawls up his skin whispering i died i died i died every so often when he's trying to sleep
is something he ignores. ]
no subject
Less admirable is Yu's continued deflection of his condition, and it shows clearly in Minato's narrowed eyes at him. He seems sombre as well hearing his friend say once more that he's alright, and it's because he knows that isn't true.]
...I didn't remember dying in the jungle either at first. [He's a little hesitant bringing up that memory again, still unwilling to divulge much of what he feels about himself, his issues.
But if there's anyone who needs to hear this it's the same person who was there for him when he was hurting, and he rubs his head before pressing on.]
Just because you don't remember how it felt doesn't mean that you feel nothing about dying, Yu-san.
no subject
Bringing up the jungle is--
... not unfair, and he knows it. He lets his gaze drop, down and to the left. When Minato had begun experiencing adverse effects from what happened in the jungle... he'd blamed himself for not pressing sooner, for not doing more to be there for his friend. But all that would require Minato opening up in the first place, and the conversation they'd had on the floor of his apartment had been stilted enough. He can hardly turn around and keep dodging the question himself well knowing what he'd want if their positions were switched. Since, of course, they once were.
Yu spreads his hands, staring down at his open palms, his expression thoughtful and somehow tired. ]
... I don't know how I'm supposed to feel.
[ This is the truth. He says it honestly, dropping his hands and looking up at Minato again. Now his brow is slightly knit, evidence of his uncertainty. ]
I'm here now. It only took three days for all of us to come back. I don't even remember any pain. Just ... a flash of light.
[ The explosion, he knows. Temporarily lost for words, he pauses, mouth working as he tries to think of what to say. ]
... all I know is that if we'd been anywhere but Cerealia, all five of us wouldn't get a second chance.
[ It's the closest he can bring himself to saying I feel like I failed.
He doesn't say that thinking too deeply about what happened to him, to all of them, makes him feel cold. That's not an emotion. It's a physical reaction. He died. He died. And it just doesn't feel real. How is he supposed to feel about a death that happened yet didn't? ]
no subject
The sky is blue from his point of view under the tree, as blue as the last view of the sky he truly remembers. ...Funny how he's thinking about this when they're talking about a painless but horrifying death and not a peaceful death.
Does it really matter though? Death is death; you live and you die, and it's the journey between those doors that matters most in the end.]
It's funny, you know. That's the same thing I said to you back then, and yet I can't tell you what's supposed to be the 'right' thing to say...maybe there isn't one. [He turns to look at Yu then, hands still in his pockets.] Maybe it's not right to think that you might not have had a second chance when we're all already on our second and last chances just by being here. [There's a shadow of a smile that disappears in but a flicker; he doesn't know how long a time he has here, but he feels he'll never have another.]
no subject
No one can tell you how to feel about dying, Yu-san.
Yu meets Minato's eyes and is just ... quiet, listening to him, taking him in. This is hardly the first time his fellow Wild Card has given him advice, and he thinks it probably won't be the last. It's not really a comfort, or if it is, it's a morbid one.
But it's nice to have someone who understands.
Finally, Yu only nods, briefly shutting his eyes. When he reopens them, he's smiling faintly, the look on his face strangely wistful. ]
... it's good to have you back.
[ Implied, if not said: I missed you. ]
no subject
I missed you all.] How about we just sit here and talk for a bit? I don't have much to do today.
no subject
Sure. I'd like that.
[ Little knowing that this may be one of - if not the - last times they ever do something like this. [